Happy Summer Solstice :) Hope you've had a chance to enjoy some sunshine this week. It's a powerful time for new beginnings: the change of season, the fiery energy of summer, the leaving behind and starting anew. But with any transition, it may come with it's bumps in the road.

When we're taking steps into a new chapter, a new version of self, a new "level," if you will, it's common to get a few "gut checks" along the way. We can call these tests, although I really loved how one instagram post put it: an opportunity to practice being who you say you are. It's an opportunity to break your own patterns, to try doing things a different way, and to show up for yourself in a way that may not be easy because you're no longer taking the path of least resistance. With these gut checks may come some uncomfortable moments, pits in the stomach, and feelings of anxiety, frustration, annoyance, defeat...

It's that feeling you get when you set a boundary for the first time and now you feel bad; you left a relationship that wasn't serving you; or you're avoiding a task that you know will bring you closer to your goals, but it's scary and outside your comfort zone so you'd rather stay put. It's that ick - you know the feeling - the one we avoid at all costs. We'd rather seek immediate gratification to avoid that ick, even if it means sabotaging our long-term goals. We numb it out with SO. MANY. THINGS. Here are just a few things you may be numbing with (based on my personal experience)...

-weed
-alcohol
-food
-sex
-TV
-social media
-dating apps
-busy-ness
-cleaning
-reorganizing
-shopping
-micro-managing other people's lives
-texting/calling a friend, or multiple friends, to keep spinning your wheels
-getting another "hit" of whatever the thing is that's causing your anxiety in the first place
-the list goes on...

When we feel that ick it's so much easier to stuff it away, and sometimes - I truly believe - we need to! When the pain or anxiety is just too much to bear, by all means, lessen the blow. But when it's time to uplevel, to change your pattern, to show up in a new way, it may be worth sitting with the ick. Allowing yourself to feel it. Not grabbing the phone for a distraction, or validation, or for someone else to swoop in and "fix" it for you. What if you just took this one? Reminding yourself that you WILL get through it, that this is part of the process, that to get somewhere you've never been, you've got to do things in a way you never have.

Really, what I'm talking about is self-soothing. Can we learn to soothe without these vices? Even if it's less comfortable and immediate? Can we get through the moment without undoing the steps we've taken and putting ourselves back at square one?

I will tell you that, if you're like me, self-soothing is NOT what you want to do in the moment. When I'm feeling this ick it's like there's a child kicking and screaming inside me, yelling "it's not fair!" While the entire list above exemplifies things that I have done to avoid the ick myself, the one that has the strongest hold on me is the "phone a friend" option. I'll text a friend just to say "I feel icky" even though I know she can't fix it for me; even though I know there's little she can do to take away that feeling. I'll seek support from healers and coaches expecting someone to have THE ANSWER for me, and while they may offer some tools and advice, I know that ultimately, I have to sit with it. So here are a few ways we can learn to self-soothe, if you can wrangle the child within, step into the shoes of being your own parent, and do what you know is going to bring you to that next level...

1. Use your senses to come back into the moment. You can do this with a simple mindfulness technique of naming something you smell, taste, hear, feel, and see. You can also go as far as to create your own sensory toolkit and keep items on-hand to help with this such as an oil for sniffing, a candy for tasting, your favorite song for hearing, a stone for feeling, and a soothing image for seeing.

2. Other sensory experiences like taking a shower or bath, holding an ice cube, or self-massage can help you get back into your body and release the anxiety in your mind.

3. Move the energy around by stretching, doing some yoga, going for a run, or my favorite - dancing! Even just "shaking it out" is a proven way to step out of our fight or flight response.

4. Going for a walk combines all of the above by moving your body, changing the sensations you're taking in, and of course getting some fresh air doesn't hurt.

5. Placing your hands on your body, perhaps in the form of a hug, both hands over your heart, or one hand over your heart and one hand over your belly, helps us connect deep within and calms the nervous system.

6. Speak to yourself the way your best friend would, or the way an adult would to soothe a child. Remind yourself it's okay to feel what you're feeling, and that you don't need to "fix" it right away; there's nothing to be ashamed of, and you're not "weak" for having these feelings.

7. Of course practices like breathwork, meditation, and tapping can be useful here too.

It's probably helpful to identify 2-3 ways of self-soothing that resonate most with you, and have them at the ready. That way, when that inner child starts saying "I don't wanna!!" and you begin to reach for the vice, it'll be that much easier to choose a different path. You may even prepare a little speech or mantra - what would adult you say to child you - to remind yourself why you want to choose a different path in the moment.

Sending love and best of luck for all the self-soothing :)

xo,
m.

p.s. reminder that prices for my 1:1 coaching program are going up in ONE WEEK - if you've been kicking tires on working with me, now is a great time to start!! Click here to begin.