It's cool and gray in NYC today and I woke up with a mood to match. I think we need days like this from time to time, where maybe we're not our "best" but we feel this sort of permission to process our full range of emotions and to sit with what we're going through; it's why I don't think I could ever live where it's sunny all the time, too much pressure. 

Just like weather, and emotions, we tend to categorize activities, experiences, and choices into "good" and "bad" when really I think the answer is the annoyingly vague: it depends. For example, spending a lot of time on Instagram is something we can all agree has been labeled "bad" and that we often beat ourselves up for. The other night as I went deep down a rabbit hole on the app, and that critical voice in my head started up, I realized how much I was actually enjoying said rabbit hole, and shut that voice right up. Who cares?! I had literally nothing else that needed doing in that moment. 

There is this line between "go easy on yourself" and "push yourself/always be better" that I'm often dancing around. I'll swing from one to the other - justifying indulgences as self-care only to later "punish" myself with strictness and rigidity. It's a hard balance to find, especially because it's never the same answer. Meaning, one day you might really need to stay in your jammies and watch 5 hours of HGTV because you feel like shit, but a different day you'll need to get yourself outside, go for a walk, do a workout, and push through your to-do list, because you feel like shit. 

So I ask myself the question: What would choosing myself look like in this moment??  

Sometimes choosing myself is releasing the judgement and being entertained by bunny videos and bachelor memes. Whereas, other times, choosing myself might be putting down the damn phone and getting to bed, or reading a book, or doing the dishes - all things I might feel resistant to do at first, because instagram is way more fun, but will ultimately serve me better.

This question applies to the bigger stuff as well, as does this idea of categorization of good and bad. Perhaps you're looking for a job and want to do something you're passionate about, but get an offer for something ho-hum that would support you really well financially. If you live in the "never settle" mindset like I do, you'd probably label taking that job as "bad," but is financial uncertainty "choosing yourself"? For some people - YES! But for others, not so much. Again, the answer is it depends, but my point is to get away from making assumptions about what IS and what ISN'T choosing yourself, and actually ask yourself in the moment. Don't make up rules where there aren't any. 

I know we like when things are cut and dry, black and white, hard and fast. "It depends" requires more work, more individuality, more responsibility for making your own choices and not just doing what you think is "good" while trying to avoid the "bad." This is a topic I dive much deeper into in my 1:1 coaching program, as we all need to find our own inner compass and learn how to read it, but for now I'll leave you with this question, and invite you to carry it throughout your week, for the big and the small and the in-between moments: 

What would choosing myself look like in this moment??  

Til next time.

xo,
m.