I'm writing this a little late this week, mostly because I had a couple late client calls last night and then made the controversial decision to choose myself and go to bed on time-ish instead of staying up late to keep working. I noticed myself saying I "should" write my newsletter, and had to call myself out because I had literally *just* told one of my clients to stop "shoulding" on herself and instead do what she wants/feels in the moment. So I had to take my own advice - hate when that happens ;)
I still wanted to write to you, though, and my guess is that it's no big deal that it's hitting your inbox a few hours later. I point this out because I want you to realize that the pressure we put on ourselves and the times we think the world will crumble if we don't do something exactly as planned or expected, is all bunk.
There's an easy reframe we can practice when questioning our "should's," I did it above and you probably didn't even notice: Instead of using the word should, I realized I truly wanted to write this newsletter. Honestly if I didn't, I would have let it go for this week.
We've talked before about the importance of the language we use, whether that's aloud or in our own minds. What are you doing because you think you should? This is an easy way to lose yourself. You get buried; it becomes hard if not impossible to sort out what's really you and what's the should's.
So, we just practice. What you'll realize many times is that you truly want to do something that you're saying you should - but realizing it's a want changes the energy around it. Take, for example, these new habits I've committed to. In January I decided to try a new system for sticking to my habits. There were four things I'd been doing pretty regularly but wanted to make even more consistent, on a near-daily basis: working out, meditation, reading, and face yoga (yes, face yoga, it's what it sounds like).
After reading James Clear's Atomic Habits, I adopted a new system: I got a blank calendar and some neon stickers. On the days I complete all four habits, I get a sticker. Sounds silly, I know, but it's working. The most important component here is that I have no amount of time or "output" attached to my requirement for earning a sticker, simply that I did the thing the best I could do that day. Some days that's truly the bare minimum, but what I find most days is that if I just start, I'll do a little more than I thought I could that day. By stacking my habits like this, I've also realized that once I've done the hardest one (working out) I feel I might as well squeeze the other ones in to get my sticker.
I'm starting to feel like a broken record on this point, but I'll say it again: don't build the thing up in your head to be so big that you don't do it all. Don't expect to workout for an hour and anytime you can't do that much, you do nothing. Don't think meditating for just 5 minutes isn't worth it. Don't think books only get read in huge chunks - I have watched myself slowly chipping away. All progress is made slowly, it's in the word, it's a progression.
What happens here is that you're just working on building the habit, getting used to reading or meditating (or whatever it is for you) most days and it becomes like a reflex. I now read every night before bed, even on my off days. It becomes second nature, like brushing your teeth. It doesn't have to be at a certain time or done in a certain way, it just has to get done juuuuust enough to say you did it.
So this week's challenge is kinda two-fold:
What's something you WANT to do for yourself, and what's the BARE MINIMUM you can commit to?
How can you acknowledge and reward yourself - even with something as silly as a sticker? It's important to acknowledge yourself for the things you get done, the ways you show up for yourself. It's also a data-collecting system, because you're learning more about your own patterns and what really works and doesn't work for you; adjust your expectations accordingly. You can see that, over time, a change was made. Even if you miss a whole week, the rest of the progress is still there.
What do you think? Will you adopt the sticker system?
Questions about any of this? Hit me up!
More soon :)
xo,
m.
