Apparently NYC has declared COVID to be "over" with 70% of the population vaccinated and all restrictions lifting. I have mixed feelings about that, but needless to say it seems like we're coming out the other side of this thing. That is a good thing. So why might some of us be feeling not so good?
There's a lot of talk about social and health anxiety as we begin to adjust our lives back to going out in public spaces, seeing more than 2 other people weekly, and maybe even dining inside. It makes a lot of sense that so many people are feeling anxious about returning to the world. Something we never even considered could happen, happened. We're traumatized. It will take some time to heal. I hope you give yourself that time.
But there's this other emotion I've noticed coming up for myself, and for friends who have - like me - gone through a major life change during the pandemic. A new layer of grief is bubbling up for the things we lost or the big changes we made while we were in lockdown - even if those changes were positive choices we made.
In March 2020 we all plugged our noses and went under water. We thought it would only be a few weeks… a few months… a few more months... As the days dragged on we - against all odds - learned to breathe underwater; we created new versions of our lives. We did our best to live down there, starved of many things that previously served as oxygen in our everyday lives. Most people did so where they were - in the same place they first jumped in, with a familiar landscape just waiting for them up on the shoreline.
After 15+ months - and even longer in other countries - it’s safe to say that nobody’s landscape looks the way it did when they first dunked their head in; everyone’s life has been changed forever. But some of us swam to a whole other location while we were under the surface. We’re not popping back up in familiar territory. Things not only look different, we’re in a different place altogether. We don’t have our bearings in the same way that those who stayed put do.
I ended a significant relationship, moved to a new place where I now live alone, and much of my lifestyle looks and feels very different. I’m happy, but there was a lot of grief that came with these changes. After almost a year I felt quite settled into this new chapter, but as things started opening again I’ve felt that grief coming back for a second round. Because while I adjusted to being under water in this new life, I have not yet lived above the surface in this entirely new location.
Whatever major change(s) you went through while you were under water, being above water with that big change in place is still brand new. If you're feeling new waves of grief, this could be why. It's like hitting reset on that thing you went through that maybe you thought you'd [mostly] healed from; it's re-opening the wound.
Whether you ended a relationship, moved to a new city/country, lost a loved one, or even had a kid (!), you haven't been here before; you haven't been in a post-COVID world with that change in place. Maybe you haven’t been to a bar as a single person, or socialized with friends in your new city. Go easy on yourself, and give yourself the time to process what's coming up. And if you have friends who might be experiencing this, keep this in mind for them as well. While going to brunch might feel pretty trippy to you, some of us aren’t going back to these regular habits in the same way we left them 15 months ago.
Our process of re-entry is layered and complicated and different for everyone. This is not one of those posts that offers a solution at the end; there is no solution to grief, and this is a new strain (too soon?) of grief that nobody’s experienced before. The re-opening of a wound at the end of a pandemic. The popping back to the surface, to discover a brand new shoreline. So if you’re feeling that extra layer of something - perhaps it manifests as “unexplained” fatigue, melancholy, anger or anxiety - give yourself some extra leeway.
A few weeks ago I caught up with my good friend - our conversations always feel like therapy sessions, and as we moved through different topics over the course of the evening we had to laugh at a running theme by the end of the night: the answer to everything was “increase the self-care.” Kinda like spraying windex on everything, just always up the self-care. Always let yourself feel your feelings. Always let yourself rest when you’re tired, and speak your needs. There is no right way to come out of a pandemic, just like we each had to forge our own unique path through unknown and scary territory as we went in, we have to do the same as we come out.
And just as I said when we went in - if this is all feeling easy and even exciting for you - that’s okay too! Enjoy it, and respect everyone’s individual process.
Sending love and support and understanding to you, on this gorgeous sunny day in New York :)
xoxo,
m.
