I wanted to drop in here quick today to share with you this little mindset shift. It's top of mind right now because I just got back from another *awesome* retreat weekend, during which I led a Self-Care & Self-Love workshop. I'm planning on hosting this workshop virtually on Thursday, November 4th, so click here if you want to sign up for the full shebang.
But one part of it that I think can work wonders is this...
Are you familiar with the 5 Love Languages? This is a popular way of looking at how we best give and receive love. The five languages are:
1. Words of affirmation
2. Acts of Service
3. Receiving gifts
4. Quality time
5. Physical touch
These can be super helpful in navigating relationships. You might be familiar with the feeling of a partner who you know loves you, but can't seem to show you in a way that makes you feel that love. Or perhaps you twist yourself into knots trying to show someone how much you care, only to be met with their disappointment; something is missing. Understanding our own love languages and those of the people that matter to us can make all the difference.
BUT, have you ever thought about flipping your own love language around on yourself? If you've been following my work for a while, you know I love thinking of the relationship with self as if it is a relationship with another. We are constantly sending ourselves messages about how we feel and value ourselves, whether we realize it or not. How do you show up for yourself? How are you showing that innermost self, that you actually love YOU?
Do you express your love to yourself in the same way you would a good friend or a partner you valued? We usually treat ourselves way worse than we ever would someone else, and let ourselves get away with talking shit, canceling plans, ignoring, abusing, and disrespecting ourselves. We would *never* be friends with a person who did these things to us!!
So how can you use the 5 love languages to show yourself some love??
❤️Words of Affirmation - do you talk shit or build yourself up? Can you be your biggest cheerleader like a good friend would be? Can you point out all the things you’re doing *well* instead of all the things you’re doing “wrong”?
❤️Acts of Service - do you do *anything* for yourself, or is it all about self-sacrifice? Think of something you wish a partner would do for you, like cooking dinner. How can you do these little things for yourself and make them special? (For this one, I like to think of doing things for my future self, like taking the ten minutes at night to do the dishes, so future me gets to wake up to a tidy kitchen in the morning)
❤️Receiving Gifts - invest in yourself! Of course, this isn’t a permission slip to go on a shopping spree that’s outside your means, but notice if you’re constantly withholding, or feeling guilty around every dollar you spend. How can you treat yourself in small ways that fit your budget?
❤️Quality Time - hang with yourself! This is about being a little less distracted and actually spending some quality time with me, myself, and I. This could look like meditation, or your favorite relaxing activities. This could also be taking yourself on a date - stop waiting for someone else to plan your perfect night out and do it yourself!
❤️Physical Touch - get in your body! Notice if you avoid touching your own body, or if you’re pretty comfortable with the skin you’re in. This could be yoga, dance, massage, body oils, or -yes- even a little solo sexy time ;) Think: how would you feel if a partner treated your physical body the way you do?
How can you up your self-love today?
Click here to join the full Self-Love workshop on November 4th!
xoxo,
m.
