As per my last email, I've been thinking a lot about doing what comes most naturally, and trusting that we're actually meant to enjoy ourselves even in our toughest pursuits. Novel concept, eh? This has come up often with regard to my biz, in that I've received a lot of guidance and advice over the years, and I've been resistant to very much of it.
Something that happens easily when you're in the habit of constantly aiming to "improve" and grow, be it personally, in business, or otherwise, is that you fall into a mentality of feeling like you're doing a lot of things "wrong." It can be a hard balance to find: doing things your way versus getting out of your own way to do what's really best for you, even if it's something that comes with a little resistance. How do you know when you're being true to yourself, and when you're self-sabotaging?
Spoiler alert: I don't really have that answer. Not yet. Well, I don't have it in a neatly packaged "silver bullet" format, which is what I know we were all hoping for.
What I do know is this: there's a reason your timing is your timing. Perhaps there's something you've known in your gut you should do, or should stop doing, for quite some time. But you haven't yet - you're not there. Maybe that's okay.
There's a tool I use in my Vision Clarity Session that helps us fast forward to our most ideal, badass version of self in the future, and ask what it is we did to get there. I've been doing this exercise myself for years and always got the same answer, among other things: quit smoking pot (I guess this is the blog post where I finally admit to everyone, including my family, that I was a pothead for over 20 years. Like, a BIG one. I knew this day would come. Sorry Dad.)
I want to note here that there is NO SHADE to anyone who does smoke, because it totally works wonders for a lot of people and it does NOT deserve the stigma it has gotten. That is a different post, not to mention a conversation about racism. For me, it wasn't working anymore.
I knew that, in some way, this deeply-ingrained habit was holding me back, and that the future badass version of myself didn't smoke. But it was a hard one to shake, and I bargained with myself over and over. Until finally, just this past year, I quit. My anxiety thanks me for this, but I also am not mad it took me this long; I can see how the habit helped me move through the other steps I needed to go through, and how I was finally ready to actually feel the emotions I'd been numbing all those years. A younger version of myself would not have had the tools, perspective, support, and space to process everything that came up.
A huge part of this "I'm doing it wrong" feeling comes from our deep-seated belief that things are meant to follow certain timelines in life. Be it a timeline for healing, for business success, or for when you're supposed to get married, have babies, and live happily ever after. Something I've noticed myself doing a lot lately is, when I see an actor or otherwise famous person that I look up to, I google their age. I tell myself, "I'm just curious," but what I realize I'm doing is comparing myself. I feel immediate relief if this person is older than me: there's still time! I think. And if they're younger: I've missed the boat.
Yikes.
I think there's only one way to find out if that thing you're resisting is actually good for you, or if it's just not your cup of tea: try it. Be honest with yourself. If you feel like you're forcing a square peg into a round hole and losing yourself in the process, it's probably not authentic to who you are. If you have that sort of, "oh this isn't as bad as I thought," feeling, or if an emotion you've been avoiding for a long time starts to bubble up, you're on to something. It’s when you refuse to actually try it altogether that you can be sure you’re not giving yourself a fair shot.
Can you believe that people used to tell me I needed to write shorter newsletters?? I tried, I can't, and I don't want to. And if you're still reading this extra long rant, you're my people. Anyone who lost interest several paragraphs ago I was not meant to connect with - not now at least.
All this to say - I found myself breaking a few "rules" yesterday, and I did not "correct" myself. I spent an inordinate amount of time creating a new page on my website - something I love doing. The rules I broke were (1) using organizational tasks to procrastinate and avoid doing the things I "should" do for my biz, and (2) creating too many options for how people can work with me - most coaches would tell you to pick one very clear offer, and stick with it. <sigh> I like options, I like organization, I like website design. These are the things I get lost in, lose track of time, forget to eat. So I let it roll. And what came out was this beautiful new page to help the other people that also appreciate these things find their best way to engage and work with me, so I can help you find your most authentic way of doing things, too.
I'll stop talking now, but I'll leave you with this:
How can you let yourself be yourself, right where you are, today?
What’s something you think you’re doing wrong, that you might actually be doing right - for you?
xoxo,
m.
